This sinking feeling in my chest isn't getting any lighter.
I know that I have to face my fear. I know that I have to let this creature go.
No phone calls. No explanations. No.
Court is going to kill me. I pray that he doesn't show. I pray that the man that I foolishly devoted myself to for over a year has some sort of decency left in his cold, black heart to let this go.
I don't want to see his face. I don't want to catch his glance from across the room.
The sinking feeling grows.
It's not the same. Life is different. It's brutal. It's ugly. The sun shines, but it's prescence is no longer welcome.
I'm drowning in my own regret while the only one who can save me refuses to play the hero.
The tears no longer come. Sobriety is...sobering. Intoxication is damaging.
Life is painful. Life is bitter. Life is a bitch and I can't control her.
I'm feeling a little hopeless. The solidarity doesn't bother me. I have friends. I have family. It's the loss of him. It's knowing that I could have prevented, or at least postponed, my own loneliness.
I will find another. This is not something that I doubt.
But another is not what I seek.
I seek success. I seek independence. I'm going to make it. I just wish that I never had to see his face again.
This is his way of punishing me.
