Reality.

And this was the reality. This was the point where all the optimism failed her. The happiness, true and fleeting.

Yes, she was free...Damnit, damnit, damnit...She was free.

But she wasn't. She was trapped by the feelings of inferiority. The constant fear of failing the only one not paying attention. Imprisoned by the realization that she couldn't save the one who saved her. Choked with the knowledge that even as confusion and complications moved in, the love stayed. Tormented by the words that constantly looped in her mind.

"I love you, but things are complicated..."

Oh how true this was...But why?

"I need you to not need me..."

How do you prove independence when no one is looking?

She needed clarity in the murky waters. Her thoughts consumed her, threatening the little sanity that remained. She needed him. She wanted him. There would be no replacements.

As her life passed before her eyes, she waited. Patiently at times, impatiently at others. And the people came. They attempted to tear down the walls. They only succeeded in reinforcing them...

She hated. She hated him for making her the same kind of monster as himself. His plan all along...Well played, kind sir, well played.


Fucking stupid birthday. I make damned sure that I call or try to spend time with my "friends" on thier special days...Three different boys promised to take me out...BEGGED to take me out for my birthday, but it's ten o'clock and I am sitting on my stupid couch by myself. Fucking idiots...AND on top of that, I have a bleeding, GAPING hole in my mouth! Happy fucking birthday to you, Jaded Beauty...