Goodbye 2008, you shitty year...

I am so glad that I am not drunk like the rest of my "crew."

B is in Owasso with Tooley...Who is not either one of the guys who have proposed to her this week. Genius idea. Had she not broke up with the good one, she would be in Tulsa, safe and sound...Not sleeping with a 29 year old career bouncer. Sad, sad...

Strawberry is crying, drunk, and driving around Tulsa. Karmen is riding with her, drunk and crying because she broke up with Philly. Ah, drama. Sure don't miss that.

Athema is shacked up at her house with her boyfriend who is young enough to be her son.

HA. I'm at work. Making money. That's what I do: Work.

B's little drama set off my own insecurities today. I'm so glad that you are capable of dealing with me without getting angry or irritated. I know that I did it to myself. I upset myself. I love you more than you can possibly understand. You're a breath of fresh air in the smoke thickened world that is my life. I'm not biding my time with you. You know that wasn't necessarily the best choice of words, but it makes sense. I could find someone else if I agreed with your notion that I have convinced myself that I cannot do better. I haven't convinced myself of anything. I don't like that word: Convinced. To me, convincing someone (even yourself) of something means that you have tricked them into believing a falsehood. I have not been tricked. You have convinced yourself that I can do better. I see it like this: Every horrible lie you have ever told, every time you have ever cheated, every person you have ever wronged do not outweigh a single good thing you have done. I cannot say with all surety that you are ever going to change, all I can do is hope that one day, you realize you are more than you let yourself be. You are bigger than the turmoil that you leave in the wake.

For everything that I have ever had to courage to say, there are a thousand little things left unsaid. I say I fear only failure, but in reality, I fear that I may eventually lose you. Fear is the heart of all love and I have never been more afraid of anything in my life.

So I will be here. I cannot walk away from this and I cannot fail you.

I love you.