Okay! I'm here. I've not disappeared. I must say that I am glad someone noticed I was gone.


So I was sitting in the commons before class on Thursday and I could feel someone staring at me. As I look up, there's Professor Hotness. He smiles and waves at me. I had tried to catch him during office hours, but as I have explained, that's generally impossible. I moved to sit on the couch beside him and let him know how confused I was regarding this paper. His new ideas for my paper helped quite a bit. (Thanks for the advice, Bunni!)

Now the sidebar: I like to consider myself attractive usually. I've got self-esteem issues, but in a normal setting (AKA Sobriety,) I can see that I am running a close race with the conventionally pretty. At the same time, I don't think I am God's gift to men. I'm grounded enough to know when I don't have a shot in hell and when if I do shoot, I may hit something... I don't quite understand my attraction to this man. He's so incredibly sexy to me. I'm not sure if it is the dapper hats, the Boston accent, or those great glasses, but for some reason, I am drawn to him. I'm two semesters in to some sort of high school crush that I can't explain. I've not had a crush on anyone since FauxBama and before that, Marcus...


I can't help thinking that his suggestion that I discuss sexuality was completely coincidental. I really think this man is attracted to me for more reasons than this. He could just be a nice guy, but that doesn't seem likely. I told the entire story to the Evil One and he seemed to agree that the guy definitely has a thing for me. That's coming from the man that I love. (I shouldn't have told him. I was drunk and it really made sense at the time. However, I could tell it made him a little jealous, but that's another story, for another day.)

It's odd that I feel he's so unattainable. I guess it is because he's my superior as far as my education is concerned. So what do I do? I'm not the smoothest person I know, so I am pretty sure that it is obvious that I want him. Are there rules in college against dating students? How does one even approach something like that?

I haven't met someone outside of a bar since 2005. I really am not sure how this works anymore. Bar's are easy. You're drunk, they're drunk, give them your number, and decide the next day if you want to waste your time. Honestly, I've not dated anyone seriously since FauxBama and before that, Marcus. I don't know HOW to date someone I like. Anthony doesn't count. He's not my type: Too clingy, too wrapped up in the seedy side of life, no ambitions, and no balls. Gary doesn't count. He looks like a prince, beautiful dreads, gorgeous skin, great bone structure, but he knows that he's hot. That makes him unattractive. They were fun at times, but both want something from me I am not willing or able to give.

We'll see how this plays out. I'm sure this isn't my only post tonight. It's been a long weekend and I have plenty to say.