I seem to be back to having no readers. I'm chalking it up to the busy year end bustle.

I am okay. It happened again, but I didn't freak out. Two shots, two vodka martinis, one beer. I was good. No binge drinking. I found comfort in the posh confines of a good friend's home.

Of course, he called. At 4:52am, he called from a private number. As if I were one of his other girls that doesn't know how things work. He called again, because for once, the ball was in my glove. It was my turn to make him sweat it out for a few. When I finally answered, he understood. I told him this was the last time I was going to tolerate this mistreatment. I told him to shut up because it was my turn to speak my peace.

And I spoke. But now, I'm wondering why I didn't keep my mouth shut. We're back to not speaking, better than that, we're back to Marcus not speaking to me.

It's like he doesn't care what I have to say. It's like I could hand him the moon with the stars on the side and he'd still not appreciate anything I do.

It's the same emo-bullshit over and over. Year in year out. I've never felt like this about anyone. Frankly, I don't want to feel like this about anyone again, ever.

It's not like this is something new. Marcus makes his own decisions regarding my life.

Let me add something exceptionally fucked up: A "friend" of mine has decided that in regards to Marcus, I have Stockholm Syndrome. That really cracks me up.

AND OFF the emo-bullshit.

I've got to start blogging more. I've got to start writing more. Right now, as it stands, I've got a 3.01 OR a 3.75 depending on how you look at it. If I simply complete the test for Juvenile Delinquency, I'll get a B in that class. Looks like, according to the papers I've been handed back, I've got an A in OA and a high B or low A in African American History....I can make heads nor tales of what I've got in Philosophy, but I am THINKING it's got to be a high B, possibly a low A. So I've got to start studying for the LSAT. That's a weird thing to me. When I was a just a little ankle-biter (I really did bite people, that's not just a figure of speech...), I've wanted to be a lawyer. Then all the felonies came and I gave up. I assumed that my record would bar me from taking the BAR. Apparently, that's not the case.

Grad school is still something I would LOVE to do. I wouldn't make as much money in the long run, but I'd be much happier. However, it seems that my writing is terrible.

I'm done for now. I'm in pain, I am going to lie down.