Randomness

"Have you ever had mind-blowing sex? The kind of sex that makes you want to die? Just fall in the floor and give up and die." ~ Grey's Anatomy ~ Izzie

Ugh...That's what I've been thinking about this morning...Hell, all night...The fact that he's with her at this very moment clinches my heart, it feels like someone has wrapped their hand around my heart and is squeezing...Like it will explode at any minute. I want him in every way. It is killing me that I know that she, this little younger thinner version of Ambre, is the reason he has chosen to place me on the backburner, again. It is not as if this is the first time, but it hurts everytime he does it.

You know what else hurts? Taking my lawyer $250 extra for something that I feel is quite possibly futile when I only have $40 to my name...Something else that hurts? Knowing that I have to put Clayton to sleep because he is suffering. Knowing that my little travel buddy is going to die. Knowing that I am the one that must take him to the vet to end his life. He was Marcus' pet...How did I end up being the one making the difficult decisions? He's an innocent animal. He's never bit anyone or caused any problems. Clayton makes my life much easier than Marcus does...I would rather put Marcus to sleep than Clayton, but that wouldn't be legal in this country...

Being out of school is going to drive me back to drinking. This job is not going to take up enough of my time to keep me sane. Besides that, I have one employee that I would really like to fire. It will not bother me one bit to work sixteen hour days, seven days a week. I'm really going to try to give the moron a chance, but I'm almost certain that his is not competent enough to save his own ass. (And if he hits on me one more time, I'm going to slit his throat with a room key...) Upper management really doesn't give a fuck. They're too busy renovating and trying to impress the owners. Our sales guy is tolerable, but I don't think he is capable of doing what he needs to do. I think the goals of the new company are lofty and unrealistic, but I'm sure as hell not telling them that. Another thing that is bugging the shit out of me is I don't really feel that the other employees respect me. Not ALL of them, but two inparticular.

Well, I'm out, again...I've got to go to Financial Aid and kiss some ass....