I don't want to be this upset over someone that is only there when he want to be. I really don't. I don't understand why I still love you this much after you've broken my heart so many times. I've tried to not love you. I've tried to not call you. I've tried so many things, but there's always this big empty space in my heart. It's there all the time...And it doesn't feel great at all.That's why I've been crying all day. I don't know what to do. I was upset because I love you so much that it consumes me. Yes, I am going to school for myself, but at the same time, I am going to prove myself to you. I don't know that you could ever understand what it means to feel this way about another person. Frankly, I don't know that I could wish that hurt upon another human being.Yeah, I got upset because of what she said, but we all know you're not capable of telling me the truth. So who else am I supposed to believe? I yelled at you and I shouldn't have. I know this. I knew this as the words were coming out of my mouth.Honestly, what have I ever done to deserve to be treated like this? You yell at me. You hang up on me. You ignore me whenever some other person comes into your life. You're right: It is not my business who you "see," but I feel that I deserve to know. You only act so unkind when there is someone else.You mean so much to me, but at the same time, I don't think that it is right for it to be so.I'm irrational at times. I can't lie to you or anyone else. I'm irrational because love is irrational. I act this way because I don't know how else I am expected to act. Being nice doesn't help my situation, being mean and nasty SURE doesn't help my situation. I'm not stupid. It's not like I am pretending that you didn't cheat and lie and leave me alone. I know that no matter what I do I will never be good enough for you. What I don't know is why? Why is it that no matter how I act, no matter what I do, I am not good enough for you? Why is it that you still talk to me? And help me out when I need it? What is the point in doing things that make me love you even more than I already did? I'm not pulling a "poor me," but you know better than anyone that you're the only person I have. Before I met you, I was on the downward path to self-destruction. Now that I don't have you, it seems I'm headed back down that path.I don't ask for a lot...At least I don't feel that I do. I just want an explanation. I just need to know why, after everything you've put me through, I am not good enough. You told me months ago that it seemed I was trying to push you away...Maybe I am, subconciously, trying to get you out of my life. I don't want that...At least I don't think I want that. You're generally there for me when I need you. I am not sure, but I know I can't convince myself that you don't love me...