He mentioned being broke today, so I made the mistake of asking if "that girl" had a job. He said she didn't but that come this weekend she was taking the LSAT. He hinted that if she were to fail, he was making her get a job. I didn't say much. What can I say to that? I worked when we were together, but he didn't make as much back then. I really had no argument.
I don't like talking about her, but I brought it up, so I gave him his five minutes. (I say five minutes because that's the most amount of time in a week I can hear about her without breaking down into a slobbering pile of tears and snot.)
About two minutes into said five minutes, he laughs and says, "She asked me if I was moving if she got into law school out of state." I wait. My heart jumped a little. Not because I was afraid he would move with her, but because my heart is a conniving little muscle always thinking about how something horrible for Marcus can turn into something amazing for me...
"So??? You said yes, right?" Of course he didn't fucking say yes. Louisiana is his home.
"BAHAHA FUCKS NO! I told her that, too." He's cracking up as if he's just heard the best joke ever written.
"Oh. That's AWESOME. I hope she gets into TU or..." And this is the point where my big, fat mouth overrides my little, tiny brain. "...or somewhere in MONTANA. Well, not Montana, because you might actually move there, but I hope she does! Then you won't be able to stand not having sex and you'll cheat on her and it will be OVER!" Shit. I said THAT? Yeah. I said that.
He sits there for a second, so I continue. "That was mean, wasn't it? I shouldn't have said that."
"I.." He's chuckling now. "..can't believe you think I am that much of a whore." His feelings. I forgot that he has those. At this point, my idiot mouth is still running. "It's not that. It's just that you love sex just as much as I do and you wouldn't last six months without it. You don't understand. Law school is crazy. Law students can't just pick up and go home when they want. They're lucky if they get home once a year. Long distance relationships are not an OPTION in law school."
WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID IN THE BEGINNING: "Oh, I can't believe you wouldn't move with her. You've been together so long now that NOT moving would surely be a mistake."
Then the subject changes to ME and MY plans after my undergrad...after he mentions that he missed talking to me this week and he left two voicemails to prove it.
*********
I don't know. I'm mainly rambling at this point, but I can't sleep and this conversation is playing it's way out in my head. Any support I ever had for his current relationship went straight out the window the day she called me names over the phone. She's petty and childish. She's divorced at 22. She's everything he said he never wanted. Any mention of my name brings ever curse word she's ever heard to her lips. It causes fights. I can be a good person. I can hear of her, not her name, of course, because he knows better than to mention that, without calling her a string of bitches.
I don't know what I am going to do. I'm tired, but I cannot sleep. My mind is working overtime and every time I close my eyes I think of what happens after undergrad. That's still nearly a year away. Why am I worried now? What will I do if I DON'T get accepted to LSU or anywhere else for that matter?
I need sleep, but it won't come. I'm done complaining for tonight. Hopefully, I'll pass this French test tomorrow...even on 2.5 hours sleep.
I don't like talking about her, but I brought it up, so I gave him his five minutes. (I say five minutes because that's the most amount of time in a week I can hear about her without breaking down into a slobbering pile of tears and snot.)
About two minutes into said five minutes, he laughs and says, "She asked me if I was moving if she got into law school out of state." I wait. My heart jumped a little. Not because I was afraid he would move with her, but because my heart is a conniving little muscle always thinking about how something horrible for Marcus can turn into something amazing for me...
"So??? You said yes, right?" Of course he didn't fucking say yes. Louisiana is his home.
"BAHAHA FUCKS NO! I told her that, too." He's cracking up as if he's just heard the best joke ever written.
"Oh. That's AWESOME. I hope she gets into TU or..." And this is the point where my big, fat mouth overrides my little, tiny brain. "...or somewhere in MONTANA. Well, not Montana, because you might actually move there, but I hope she does! Then you won't be able to stand not having sex and you'll cheat on her and it will be OVER!" Shit. I said THAT? Yeah. I said that.
He sits there for a second, so I continue. "That was mean, wasn't it? I shouldn't have said that."
"I.." He's chuckling now. "..can't believe you think I am that much of a whore." His feelings. I forgot that he has those. At this point, my idiot mouth is still running. "It's not that. It's just that you love sex just as much as I do and you wouldn't last six months without it. You don't understand. Law school is crazy. Law students can't just pick up and go home when they want. They're lucky if they get home once a year. Long distance relationships are not an OPTION in law school."
WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID IN THE BEGINNING: "Oh, I can't believe you wouldn't move with her. You've been together so long now that NOT moving would surely be a mistake."
Then the subject changes to ME and MY plans after my undergrad...after he mentions that he missed talking to me this week and he left two voicemails to prove it.
*********
I don't know. I'm mainly rambling at this point, but I can't sleep and this conversation is playing it's way out in my head. Any support I ever had for his current relationship went straight out the window the day she called me names over the phone. She's petty and childish. She's divorced at 22. She's everything he said he never wanted. Any mention of my name brings ever curse word she's ever heard to her lips. It causes fights. I can be a good person. I can hear of her, not her name, of course, because he knows better than to mention that, without calling her a string of bitches.
I don't know what I am going to do. I'm tired, but I cannot sleep. My mind is working overtime and every time I close my eyes I think of what happens after undergrad. That's still nearly a year away. Why am I worried now? What will I do if I DON'T get accepted to LSU or anywhere else for that matter?
I need sleep, but it won't come. I'm done complaining for tonight. Hopefully, I'll pass this French test tomorrow...even on 2.5 hours sleep.
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