wonderwall

After everything you've done to me, I still love you. There's this empty spot in my heart where you used to be. I can't sleep and I can't think.

Mostly, I'd like to know why? Why would you do this to me knowing that I loved you? How could you lie to my face and play my friends, too? Every word you ever spoke was complete bullshit. I believe that you loved me, but your actions betray you words.

It makes me sick to think about all the time I spent with you. I want to cry, but my tears don't come anymore. To think that you, my friend, my lover, hurt me more than Marcus ever did, kills me. Not only did I lose a friend, I lost someone I thought could be the one. And for what? I'm better than she will ever be and you know that. You know that I would be the one to get you back on the right track. I could have been the one to save you, but you couldn't just let me. I never wanted you to leave your children. I wanted to be a part of their lives, too. I wanted it to be you and I against this crazy world. I never thought for a second that it would end like this. Every thing you said, every I love you, every I need you in my life...they crush me. Each time I think of your voice and think of you touching my face and holding me when I cried, I die a little more inside.

How could you do this to me? I begged you to just tell me you wanted me out of your life. You pushed back, saying that you couldn't do that because it would be a lie. Now, I'm gone. I'm out of your life, but I am out of my own life, too. Nothing is the same without you. I'm trying to make this feeling go away. I don't even know what this feeling is. It's like being completely numb, but in horrible pain at the same time.

It's hurting me to know that you're over there right now...with her. You told me it was me that you wanted, but then you do this? You couldn't be a man and just tell me you wanted me out of your life. You had to drag me into the muck and ghetto situation with you. It seems you're only happy when someone else hurts. I hate that. You used to be such a positive person. There was always a smile on your face. You were always joking and jumping around. That wasn't the same person I saw last night.

Last night, I saw a confused and frightened little boy. You don't know what you want anymore. You can't even form a sentence without including a lie.

One part of me hopes you get prison time. The other part of me hopes that you stay free for your kids. Either way, you need a wake up call. Do you think your children deserve a father like this? Are you going to raise your daughter to date someone like you? A liar and a manipulator? If Isaiah is ever cured, do you want him to grow up and be a womanizing liar like his father and grandfather? Is that what you want?