I want him OUT of my life...For good. Forever.
Sure, his company is good when I drink. Sure, I appreciate the expensive shoes and the brilliant ideas and the sparkle of hope that crosses his eyes when he comes up with the notions that he thinks describe me.
But I want him gone.
Number one, I am pissed off that he "borrowed" money from me without asking.
Number two, he's irritating when I am sober. I'd rather be alone than tolerate his presence in my home.
Number three, well, as long as I know number three no one else really needs to know...
I hate him. I hate everything that he stands for. I don't want to date a man that dropped out of college and works at the fucking mall.
He's a distraction. I am afraid to fail. I'm afraid to fail so I set myself up for failure so I have something to blame it on when things go wrong. I don't want to succeed. It's to the point now that I question why I would ever want to succeed. It doesn't matter to anyone, but me, and at this point, it doesn't even matter to me.
I have all these high ambitions and hopes and plans that I don't ever see happening...See? I'm a creature of habit and drinking and bad behavior are my habit.
I'm going to bed now.
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